escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
