omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
