is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
