i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
