ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
