I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
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