Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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