my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
