Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Randomize
