tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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