i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
