im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
