Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
