I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Found the puke drawer
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
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