She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
