Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
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