SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
