She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
You took a bar mat shot.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
