i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
