Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
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