I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
