why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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