Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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