Ambien. No doubt about it.
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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