Yo dont text me then not text me
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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