it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
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