you would pick up someone in the library
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
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