It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
