NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
