I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
