btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
