Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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