is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
