ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
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