i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
