Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
