put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
