i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
