2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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