I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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