I wannas sexs uuuuu
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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