You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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