I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
