I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
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