I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
