We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
