oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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