I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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