Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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