Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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