Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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