I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
