i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I'm bleeding and have questions
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
