she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
