But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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